I have a love/hate relationship with all of the reality shows that have to do with tattooing and piercing.  While I’m grateful for the attention it has brought the industry, I don’t like the way these shows make the industry look. The shows are more about sensationalism and money than substance: like most TV you see these days. Regardless, it still annoys me. But, I have to confess. I did watch one not long ago.

I was at my cousin’s house and this tattoo show was on that I had never heard of before. The premise of the show had to do with tattoo shop makeovers. The host, whose last name just happened to be Tattoo…what are the odds….swoops in and saves a struggling shop. Same premise as those restaurant, hair salon and home make over shows that we’ve been seeing for a few years now.

 

I have to admit, the longer I watched it, the more it was pissing me off. Here’s why:

1.       The way the owners and staff looked was embarrassing. Everyone in the shop looked like they were going to a Halloween party. The makeup was just as thick on the guys as it was the girls. I get that they are expressing themselves and being who they want to be, but honestly, I couldn’t take them seriously. And if I’m getting tattooed by someone, I would like that person to take their job seriously; but that’s just me.

2.       As Mr. Tattoo moseyed through the shop, he would point out outrageously large dust bunnies. I mean these things were the size of baseballs and sitting at the base of the client chairs, the autoclave and even by the bottles of ink. Seriously? If it was truly that dirty, they should have been shut down. But looking at the dust, I questioned whether those bunnies were even real. They looked more like shredded yarn than dust bunnies. Did I mention that the floor was one of cleanest floors I had ever seen? Hmmmmm….

3.       The layout of the shop. Now, I don’t know where this shop was, so I don’t know what their laws are; I only know Illinois law. With that said, I looked at this shop with our laws in mind. According to Illinois, all tattooing and piercing rooms need to be private. They each must have a door and some sort of wall high enough that it prohibits others from seeing what’s going on. Makes sense to me. I wouldn’t want to be sitting there getting a tattoo on my boob or getting my hoo-ha pierced with strangers gawking at me. Hell no! We have private rooms at our shop. Our place used to be a dental office with private exam rooms, so our clients have always had privacy. The place on this show had no rooms, no walls or door separating the clients. It was one gigantic open room. The bathroom was the only place that had four walls and a door. Not a bit of privacy for any of the clients. I hope their clients don’t have modesty issues. After the makeover was done, there still were no walls. Regardless of what their state law is on privacy, I would think you would want your clients to have privacy. Again, that’s just me.

4.       The owner and staff’s attitude and behaviors. You would think that since they looked like clowns, they would be just as jovial. Nope. They were not only rude and crude to each other; they were not so pleasant with their clients. If anyone working at our shop treated customers that way, they’d be gone. Period. Business rule #1…..Be kind to your clients if you want them to come back. That should be a no brainer. But, who knows...they couldn've been acting the show.

Maybe I’m a little more cynical or more sensitive to these kinds of shows being that we are in the industry. I don’t know. I just don’t want this industry to be more criticized and looked down upon because of shows like this. This industry has gone through a lot and to have it further degraded is frustrating. I guess entertainment value rules.  But truth be told, reality shows aren’t really reality, are they? With that said, I have to go……Kitchen Nightmares is on!

Tattoos can turn into a helluva passion for some people. It did for me; more like an all-out obsession really. I wiped out my entire savings account to get tattoos when I was 18 years old. And this was before Augie and I even started dating. The desire for more tattoos didn’t last though. Those feelings began to fade as our relationship progressed. Why? Who knows; I was 18 and love sick.

I stopped at nine tattoos; three of which I’ve gotten within the last ten years. I can safely say that I’m not obsessed anymore….mainly because the older I get, the more it hurts. Augie teases me and says I’ve become “needle shy” and reminds me that his oldest client is in her 90’s (cool gal, by the way). No, it’s not that….I’ve just turned into a wuss! That’s why #9 hasn’t been touched in about five years.

Like I said, I get the whole obsession/passion part of it. The entire experience is alluring; the sounds of the vibrating coils on the machine, the minty scent of the green soap, feeling the piercings of the needles as you watch your new tattoo come to life. I get it. It's an assault on your senses. Well, except for the sense of taste. Only the ones that have been tattooed in their mouth can claim all five. But, what happens when you no longer have any skin to tattoo?

This can actually be devastating for some people. Think about it…it can take several years for someone to become fully tattooed in what’s called a body suit. It’s a process that requires a lot of planning, sittings, money and because of all the time the client and artist spend together; they get to know each other quite well. And then….bam….it’s over.

Just to give you an idea: sessions can last anywhere from an hour up to six or eight hours at a time. Typically, someone getting steady work done comes in about every two to three weeks. A sleeve for example, can take upwards of 36 hours to complete. Add legs, torso, back and unmentionable parts to that and they have years of work and time ahead of them.

I have only seen a couple of clients in the past 20 some-odd-years become so depressed when they ran out of space that they turned to alcohol. It was almost like they didn’t know what to do now that their body suite was complete; replacing one obsession with another, I guess. It was heartbreaking. I don’t want anyone to ever feel like that after they’re done. Look on the bright side….there’s always piercings!!!!

Has anybody seen or heard about the mom who was arrested for tattooing her 11 year old daughter in North Carolina last week? In case you haven’t……this mother, who is a tattoo artist (allegedly), tattooed a small heart on her child’s shoulder because the little girl asked her to do it.

The fact that the child asked to get a tattoo doesn’t bother me a bit. Our girl’s mention they want tattoos all of the time. We just tell them no, daddy isn’t going to jail for you just because you can’t wait until you are 18 years old. It just blows my mind that this mom was okay with this. As a parent, I couldn't imagine saying, "Oh sure, sweetie. A tattoo at your age is a fabulous idea!"

The mom claims to have not known about any tattoo laws in her state. She says she wasn’t aware of the fact that no one under the age of 18 can get tattooed, regardless of parental consent. I have a serious problem with that statement. If we end of finding out that she’s an actual tattoo artist, then there is absolutely no excuse as to why she doesn’t know the laws in her state. It’s your business, your livelihood for goodness sake! That’s like a doctor saying he had no idea there were malpractice laws.

Should the mom go to prison if convicted? I don’t think she should. I see her benefitting more from parenting classes rather than serving any jail time. Being locked up, learning absolutely nothing about being a parent while being away from your daughter, to me, that’s an unnecessary punishment for both of them.

Should the daughter have the heart tattoo removed? I don’t believe it needs to come off; at least not right now. It’s already there; let her make that decision when she’s an adult. She has already endured the pain of getting a tattoo, why put her through the horrific pain of having the tattoo burned off her flesh? It just seems cruel to me. Not to mention the thousands of dollars it can take to remove a tattoo.

Too bad she didn’t read my blog before she decided to do this…..using the Little-Girl-No-Hurt-Tattoos may have been a better choice.

“Tips are welcomed and accepted” reads the sign in Augie’s office. He put the sign up many, many years ago after some of his clients had continually asked him if it was appropriate to give him a tip after being tattooed or pierced. And over the years, clients have taken that sign and interpreted it in their own way.

For the most part, cash is given to him for his tip, which is the customary thing to do. A select few have offered him dogs, lizards, shirts and even shoes as a tip for the services he has provided. Thank goodness he didn’t accept the animals. If he had, we’d be living in a zoo right now.

Bolder clients have gone as far as to offer him various forms sex for the work he has done. Of course those offers are proposed by mostly women, but you may be surprised to know that boyfriends and husbands have offered up their wives and girlfriends to him for their appreciation as well.

“C’mon dude! My old lady will blow your mind,” no pun intended.

I don’t know what’s more distressing…..the girls having no idea that their men have offered them up to Augie or the ones that are standing in the room and  are all for their husband or boyfriend’s suggestion. Either way, I find it bothersome.

Thankfully, Augie shuts those guys down along with all the women that offer up their skills to him. He’s a smart man. I guess if he didn’t, I wouldn’t be a Tattoo Wife right now.

So, what’s the moral of this story? If you want to give him a tip, please stick with cash.

Did you know that the tattoo industry went unregulated in Illinois until 2006? Sadly, it took that long to get policies and regulations in place. I for one am thrilled! Yah, yah I know… it gives the government a chance to put another finger into the ass of humanity, but it needed to happen.

I have seen a steady increase of shops popping up over the years. Where I live there are at least four or five. That’s incredible considering that when Augie and Doc set out to find a place to open back in 1989, they were hit with a lot of “not in my town” responses. It took them close to a year to find a place that would accept them. But, that’s a story for another time.

Several years before the laws were set in place, a tattoo artist on the east coast attempted to regulate the entire country under one set of policies for tattooing and piercing. I did like the idea, but not to the extent that she wanted. She attempted to implement a law that stated all shops have to have a registered nurse on the premises during all operating hours. And it would be at our expense.

We all panicked. We had no clue how much it was going to cost us to have a nurse there. These guys have fluxuating income; how are they supposed to pay him/her at a time when there is no money coming in? How much would it be to insure this person? We wouldn’t have been able to stay open.

Well, those two put their heads together and came up with a plan…..send Aimee to nursing school. I thought it was a great idea! I’ve watched “ER” and the Discovery Channel, it didn’t look that hard. I wasted no time in getting started with this. I called the school and was lucky enough to be accepted for the next semester they had coming up.

As excited as I was, nothing could have prepared me for the challenge that lied ahead. Basically, it sucked from day one. I found out rather quickly that my brain does not have the capacity for medical terminology or pharmacology dosage calculations. It was such a struggle.

I would study my note cards constantly, but no matter how hard I tried, nothing would stick. And these are things you kinda need to know when you’re working with the human body. Study groups didn’t help, studying independently didn’t help, making up songs and rhymes didn’t help. I ended up failing. I just couldn’t pull it off. It was apparent that I was not meant to be a nurse.

Yes, I was disappointed, but I was more upset with the fact that I wasn’t able to do this for them. I felt like a failure. However, it didn’t take long for those feelings to quickly turn into relief. We found out that the woman on the east coast decided to stop pushing this initiative forward. She had run into so many brick walls that she pretty much gave up. Which was fine by me; I didn’t want to have to go back and do that again.

There are a few things you should know (compliments of Augie)….

1.     A “tat” can be drawn in 5 minutes. Real artwork takes time.

2.     Creative designs rarely come flying out of my ass. They require actual work. The day that happens, I'll let you know.

3.     If you didn’t take care of your tattoo, it doesn’t mean that I screwed up. You did.

4.     No, I cannot cover your tribal armband with a tiny daisy.

5.     A good tattoo isn’t cheap. I’m sorry if you can’t afford it. Maybe you shouldn't have bought the new smart phone.

6.     Go ask my landlord if he'll give me a discount this month and if he says yes, then I’ll be happy to give you the “hook up.”

7.     Yes, tattoos do hurt. Did you expect to a massage when you sat down? Suck it up buttercup and hold still!!

8.     You came to me because I’m good at what I do and I take pride in my work. Please listen when I give you advice. I’m only trying to make your tattoo look good.

9.     Unless you’re an experienced tattoo artist, please don’t tell me how to do my job. I knew how to do this long before you came in the door.

10.  Don’t let the third cousin of your "bro" give you a tattoo. Owning a “tattoo gun” doesn’t make them talented or skilled.

11. HEPATITIS CAN KILL YOU!!!!! Don’t be a cheap bastard….spend the extra $50.

The tattoo and body piercing industry has gone through such an evolution, especially over the last several years in terms of acceptance. Like I’ve mentioned before, people with tattoos were always looked down upon as low-life’s or seedy characters. It’s nice to see that things are changing. It’s not perfect, but we’re getting there.

I remember like it was yesterday being shunned and discriminated against myself. I had a nurse practitioner refuse to touch me during a physical because I was tattooed and pierced. She told me that I was disgusting and I should be ashamed of myself for disgracing my body in such a way and then walked out of the exam room.

I was humiliated. I was only 18 years old at the time and didn’t have the guts to stand up for myself. I sheepishly put my clothes back on and left with my head hung low. That was the first time something like that had ever happened to me, but sadly, it wouldn’t be the last.

We’ve been ignored, given dirty looks and even given the cold shoulder when we’ve been out shopping, on vacations or just walking down the street. It’s obnoxious, yes, but you learn to take it in stride. The funniest time was when we were denied a dog from a breeder. This woman denied us over the phone without even seeing us.

The conversation I had with this woman went really well…..at first. She liked that I was a preschool teacher. She told me all about her grandkids and their preschool experience. We talked about her dogs and how cute the breed was. She even told me that she still had two puppies available and invited us to come and see them. That all changed when she asked me the next question.

“Now, tell me about your husband. What does he do for a living?” Without hesitation I told her. The words tattoo and pierce must have made her a mute because there was stone cold silence on the other end. Hello??

“I’m sorry, I was mistaken. The pups have been spoken for already. I’m sorry you wasted your time.” Click. Just like that, the conversation was over.

The worst is when our girls are the victims of bigotry solely based on adults’ opinions of us. Discriminate against me all you want, I don’t care. Just don’t treat my kids badly based on your close minded opinions. That has to be the most frustrating and difficult part of all of this.

There have been a few occasions where that has happened, but there was this one mom in particular that really pissed me off. Our girls went to school together and we had talked before at parent functions and during drop off/ pick up times for play dates. She was, I thought, a nice person. Again, that all changed once she met Augie.

They hadn’t met before because of his work schedule, but when they finally did meet, she let her true colors shine like the sun on a hot summer day. When Augie was picking our daughter up at this woman’s house, she caught a glimpse of his arms, her smile went to a look of pure disgust. She couldn’t have pushed our daughter out her front door fast enough. He didn’t say anything since the girls were right there. He just said goodbye and brought her home.

It wasn’t until she came home from school the next day hysterical, practically inconsolable that we learned how awful this woman really was. This woman’s daughter told our little girl on the playground that her mom said they could no longer play or have sleepovers because she didn’t “trust” her dad. She went on to say that she was told her daddy was a bad person and it wasn’t safe for her to come to our house anymore. The word jail came up a few times. The mom pretty much slammed our family based on his two arms and now her daughter was following suit.

We sat her down and talked about discrimination and how there are those out there that assume tattooed people are automatically bad. This was difficult to explain to a seven year old because she had never experienced anything like that before. To her, daddy was perfect.

I called the mom only to get her voice mail, repeatedly. She never called me back and avoided me like the plague at the school. Coward. Thankfully this story has a happy ending….they moved.

This experience however, was a blessing in disguise. It allowed us to start talking with our girls about how important it is not to judge a book by its cover. They’ve learned that they should to get to know a person and base your opinions on who they are and not by how they look like or what they do. Easier said than done, I know.

Nowadays, with body art being so prevalent in society, it's not as bad as it was. Sure, there are those that are still closed to the idea that tattooed/pierced people are nice and believe we'll turn you into a criminal, but oh well. It's their loss if they don't want to get to know us.