**WARNING….I DID MY BEST TO KEEP IT CLEAN**

I don’t know whether this should be considered a monumental event or just plain old pathetic, but I am somewhat proud that Augie and I part of the elite group of people that can say Danny Partridge has seen us naked.  I blame my lack of self-control for getting me to that moment where Mr. Bonaduce was free to gaze upon the perky twins and Augie’s, well, you know....

We were fans of his radio show on WLUP the Loop back in the early 90’s. We’d listen to him at the shop, in the car and at our apartment. We thought he was a hoot. On the night in question, I had his show on while waiting for Augie to get home from work.

Danny’s show was especially risqué that night….how to enhance your sex life. I was intrigued. I listened as all of the callers gush about their boyfriends putting flower petals in the bed….yuck…role playing….I suck at acting….and so on. None of these people had anything exciting or the slightest bit original to contribute. I couldn’t take this humdrum crap anymore. I picked up the phone.

Shemp, a sort of sidekick/program engineer kind of guy, picked up the phone. I began to have second thoughts the momet I heard his voice. Too late, I was committed. The words came out of me like vomit after too much Southern Comfort.

Yah…hi….I have a suggestion on how to make your sex life more exciting……..HAVE YOUR BOYFRIEND PIERCE HIS_____(fill in the blank). It was rather disturbing that I said it with such enthusiasm.

There was stone cold silence on the other end of the line. Hello?? It took Shemp a minute to gather his thoughts, I’m assuming, before he said that he was going have me talk to Danny. I knew Augie was on his way home and he was most likely going to be listening to my conversation with Mr. Bonaduce. Oh, crap…what am I doing?

Danny came on the line and bombarded me with questions about my suggestion. I remember being way too eager when explaining the whole thing to him. Thankfully, I don’t remember everything I said. Whatever I did say, it must have been intriguing enough for him to want us to come up to the radio station the following week. He said he wanted to see what I was talking about.

When Augie walked in the door, I was still on the phone. He had this look of what the f*ck did you do combined with a devious little smirk. Don’t be mad, honey! I’m doing my part for womankind. And besides, it’ll be a great plug for the studio! I swear.

When we got to the radio station, we were greeted by Diane, a fellow DJ. She was sweet. She reminded me of Stevie Nicks a bit. She took us back to the booth where we met Shemp. He went over FCC rules with us and pretty much begged us to keep it as clean as possible.

After a commercial break, Danny called us in to his radio booth. He explained to the audience why we were there and that his wife, Gretchen, would be joining us for the “unveiling.” Great! The more the merrier, right? Augie won’t mind. And he didn’t. Bless his heart.

At the unveiling, all you heard was a chorus of oh my god followed by a collective gasp. Back then, piercings like this were not well known. Nowadays, there are a whole lot more peters out there with a little bling. And the fact that neither of us looked like punks with mohawks, had facial piercings or had purple hair was even more shocking to them. We looked normal.

After things calmed down, Danny turned to me and asked me if I was pierced as well.. I told him that I was and asked if he’d like to see. Stupid question to ask a guy, I know. Like a stripper getting ready to climb the proverbial pole, I whipped my top off and tossed it on the floor. The surge of confidence I suddenly had came out of nowhere. Up until that point in my life, the only people that saw my boobs were Augie and my gynecologist.

The nudity wasn’t over yet. Danny saw the tattoo on my chest and asked if I had any more. That’s when I dropped trou and showed him the tiger on my butt and leg. To be fair, Danny then turned around and dropped his pants to show us the “onion” on his butt. I had no clue what the onion thing meant, but him and Augie did.I didn't care. I just continued to stare at his freckly butt.

The night came to a close with a dedication from Danny to us….”Illustrated Man” by Johnny Winter. And as we walked out, we heard him say to his listening audience that he was dedicating this song to his new best friends. Interesting….we haven’t heard from him since.